i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I love having hate sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
