Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
