Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
