Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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