My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
