Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
