I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize