THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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