my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
