i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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