If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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