My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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