he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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