and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
