She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The air was thick with penises
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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