Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
