Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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