Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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