she looked like the before picture.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
