oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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