Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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