I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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