Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
