these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
