they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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