took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
