Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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