I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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