Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
vagina is talking i cant
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
