I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
