He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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