Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
