i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
