You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
