You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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