You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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