How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
