i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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