the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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