if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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