i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
