he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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