Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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