if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
