smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
