areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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