I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
