Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
