Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
