Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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