We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
