Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
