I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
