i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
