It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
