Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
