He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
