I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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