I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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