Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
