i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
