it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
