I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
