she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
