just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
