woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
