I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
