$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
